It's been two weeks of returning back to work and I feel like it was easier at first, but it gets harder everyday to leave Jane. Last Fridy, I dropped Jane off at Day Care and cried for the first time. I just didn't want to say goodbye. When I got to work, I found a sub and turned my car right around and headed back to the day care. I just needed to be with my baby. Nothing is wrong with the Day Care, in fact they are absolutely wonderful with her. She just has a stuffy nose (cold) and she hasn't been sleeping well. I thought we could both use the time together, sleeping and relaxing. There is something about Jane that makes me crave to be with her, even at 3:00 in the morning. Oh, which reminds me, every morning now that I go to check on her, she is lying on her tummy, talking. She is so strong. Her favorite thing to do is roll and stand...no speghetti legs. I was worried about her being on her tummy, but the doctor said not to worry... if she is strong enough to roll, then she is strong enough to hold her head up to breath. Okay!
Also, here are some thoughts on returning back to work. I like it and I don't. I feel exhausted at the end of the day, and I don't have much energy left. But I do love the social interaction with my coworkers and students. I love teaching. Yet I feel a little guilty just dropping Jane off at day care letting someone else raise her. I feel like time with Jane is so precious that I love every moment I'm with her...even when she's putting up a good fight. Yet I wouldn't want to feel the regrets when I miss her doing something for the first time. As you can see, I have such mixed feelings. My hats off to stay at home mothers because I think being a stay at home mom seems very hard...its a full time job taking care of kids AND finding something self fulfilling. Everyone seems to have an opinion about this topic, and although it can be a sensitive one, I feel I have a right to voice mine.