Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Jane Fix

It's been two weeks of returning back to work and I feel like it was easier at first, but it gets harder everyday to leave Jane. Last Fridy, I dropped Jane off at Day Care and cried for the first time. I just didn't want to say goodbye. When I got to work, I found a sub and turned my car right around and headed back to the day care. I just needed to be with my baby. Nothing is wrong with the Day Care, in fact they are absolutely wonderful with her. She just has a stuffy nose (cold) and she hasn't been sleeping well. I thought we could both use the time together, sleeping and relaxing. There is something about Jane that makes me crave to be with her, even at 3:00 in the morning. Oh, which reminds me, every morning now that I go to check on her, she is lying on her tummy, talking. She is so strong. Her favorite thing to do is roll and stand...no speghetti legs. I was worried about her being on her tummy, but the doctor said not to worry... if she is strong enough to roll, then she is strong enough to hold her head up to breath. Okay!

Also, here are some thoughts on returning back to work. I like it and I don't. I feel exhausted at the end of the day, and I don't have much energy left. But I do love the social interaction with my coworkers and students. I love teaching. Yet I feel a little guilty just dropping Jane off at day care letting someone else raise her. I feel like time with Jane is so precious that I love every moment I'm with her...even when she's putting up a good fight. Yet I wouldn't want to feel the regrets when I miss her doing something for the first time. As you can see, I have such mixed feelings. My hats off to stay at home mothers because I think being a stay at home mom seems very hard...its a full time job taking care of kids AND finding something self fulfilling. Everyone seems to have an opinion about this topic, and although it can be a sensitive one, I feel I have a right to voice mine.

4 comments:

Linzy said...

Poor Tiffany! I feel the same way! And I only work a few times a month! I've been back to work for about a year since I had her and only in the last couple of months has it not been so hard to leave her. I think its harder to leave them when they are still so little and helpless, too. Now Londyn is be enough and just loves it when ANYONE will play with her! Being a mom is so wonderful! (I still haven't seen Jane is person!)

Meg'n'Josh said...

I knew you would be a wonderful mommy to that sweet little girl! I think you are so awesome for taking of Friday like you did... you go girl! And thanks for the "shout-out" to stay at home moms...you really hit the nail on the head. While I love staying home with my babies and don't want them to be with anyone else but me, it can be SO HARD. This is why I love you and the rest of the girls...cause I can break away and feel like just "me" for a few hours. I sure do love ya Tiff!

jeremyandholly said...

what a woman!! i think you are an awesome mom!! seriously....i always knew this, but when you told us this story on saturday, i was totally impressed. good for you for following your heart that day...i'm sure jane loved it;)
love you tiff:)

Missy said...

Tiff, it sounds like you are doing a great job. Asking your sweet husband for a blessing might be really beneficial right now, you are thinking of your sweet baby girl, and by the way Maklee is two and a half and I still get excited to see her every morning. I am sure whatever you decide to do will be the right decision, you are an amazing person. And remember "today's test is tomorrow's testimoney."